My dad accidentally threw a cheese grater at me so I left the room and he yelled “come back here you ungrateful child” while laughing hysterically

Update my mom just told me that if I had even a ‘shred’ of decency I would go back in there

Update #2: my dad apologized and told me he had only done it for ‘the grater good’

20/10/2014 . 65,166 notes . Reblog


i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him  this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked

20/10/2014 . 177,425 notes . Reblog
Being in a relationship ends in one of two ways; breaking up or death. When you think about it like that, love really is doomed from the beginning yet we continue to nearly kill ourselves anyway just to taste it.

Unknown (via psych-facts)

this is the realest and more terrifying thing i’ve ever read.

(via outofthewhore-dinary)

20/10/2014 . 19,502 notes . Reblog


if u were a paper towel u’d be


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straight boys are ok when it’s just you and one of them but as soon as they form a bigger group they become absolutely unbearable

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cat: places paw tentatively on boob
me: please–
cat: presses paw down on boob
me: don’t–
cat: slowly, agonizingly walks across boobs

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@my friends who can see emojis: 😘

as for my friends who can’t, enjoy this Square Of Friendship

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I am never tired of this.


I am never tired of this.

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where’s the gif of the chef with the really big frying pan


bless you

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This is my new favorite thing in the history of life

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tips on how to properly enter my room:

  1. do not

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